Memories

Today is my birthday. As a kid birthdays were important, then as the years went by they mattered less and less. Now I am much older they have become important again. I guess it has something to do with the sense of achievement in having made it thus far.

People say I look good for my age. That is because I was born at a very early age and have remained young ever since. That’s me in the picture above; the earliest picture I have of myself. Taken in 1936 the year I was born.

I have a memory from about the same time the picture was taken. I know that sounds strange or even impossible, but this memory has always been with me throughout my life. I even have memories of having this memory throughout my childhood. So I know I didn’t imagine or dream it in later life.

My memory is of being with my mother; we were outside and it was a bright sunny day. My mother was standing at the end of a garden, holding me, sitting up in her arms. We were looking over a hedge into another garden.

The most likely assumption is that this was at the back of our house in Surrey, England, so therefore we were looking into a neighbor’s garden. Someone some short distance away was calling “Coo-eee, coo-eee.” My mother was saying to me, “Look, look over there.” She was pointing at the same time.

In part of this memory I was in this little body (The one you see above.) and part of the memory I was out of my body, about fifteen feet to the left, and slightly elevated. I was looking at myself in my mothers arms.

This is the only ‘out of body’ experience I have had, it has never happened since. I can still picture the scene now as I write this. I could hear this person calling, “Coo-eee,” and I watched myself, my head was straining forward to look and listen. My eyes big and round, and my head kept jerking this way and that every time my mother said, “Look, look over there.”

Suddenly, I was back inside this little body, looking out. I can even remember my thoughts at the time. I was thinking, “Who the fuck is calling Coo-ee?”

Now this in itself is interesting, because obviously I had not learned to talk at this time, much less learned the “eff” word. However, I have come to realize that memories of thoughts are in words, and even though I couldn’t talk back then, I have since added the words to describe the feeling of frustration at not being able to see the person calling out to me.

Language is both the gift, and at the same time the curse of human kind. A gift in that I can retain a memory such as this, and even share it with others. It is also a curse in that we tend to hold on to the bad memories and relive them, along with the accompanying emotional pain.

A friend of mine recently had a heart attack at age 40. He knew there was something seriously wrong, and called 911. When the ambulance arrived, he walked out of the house and then collapsed. His heart and breathing stopped, but the paramedics revived him.

He has since made a full recovery, and was recently telling me of the experience. He described an ‘out of body’ experience where he was off to one side and slightly above the scene, watching himself and the paramedics as they revived him.

His experience sounded exactly like mine; convincing me still further that it actually happened. It matters not that you believe my little story, but that you found it entertaining. It will always be real to me.

The weather forecast today calls for sunny skies and temps in the 60s, here in South Carolina, much like the day I was in the garden with my mother. I will be going out for a bike ride later; burn off some calories and make room for cake.