Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Road Cyclist’s Ten Commandments

The Vatican recently issued a set of Ten Commandments for motorists. I thought it appropriate that road cyclists have their own.

1. Pray as you cycle, but not with your hands together and your eyes closed.

2. Thou shall not run red lights, except when there is no one else around; it shall be as the tree falling silently in the forest.

3. When a motorist cuts you off, offer up the sign of the cross. One finger pointed towards Heaven will not suffice.

4. Thou shalt wave to thy fellow cyclist. If he should ignore you, offer your blessing, and not “Fuck you, moron.”

5. If three consecutive cyclists ignore your wave, you are exempt from the forth commandment.

6. If passed while climbing a steep hill by a Fred with a 30 inch granny gear, resist the urge to wish that his chain will jump over his plastic dork disc and rip every spoke from his rear wheel.

7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass, nor his six-pack abs, or any other part of his body.

8. Before the sun sets on the Sabbath, thou shalt shave your legs.

9. The meek shall inherit the earth. Blingy equipment that is lighter than an anorexic butterfly, will not substitute for miles in your legs.

10. Thou shalt not lie. Thou shalt not go on Internet forums under a pseudonym and boast how you blew all your friends away on an 8,000-foot climb, when the biggest hill in your area is a bridge over the freeway.


Anonymous said...

I love your blog, when I log on I never know what to expect. Some history, some informative tech article, then on occasions some off the wall piece like this. Very funny, and as always very well written. May you to keep us guessing, and keep us entertained.

imabug said...

Haha! Love the commandments Dave, esp 6 and 10.

Anonymous said...

"Well stated!"

Howard said...

This is classic stuff and it's hardly 24-hours old. How do you do it?

You can now expect thousands of visitors after I linked to your blog.

Welllll, okay... two grizzled guys from Colorado, a spinster from Illinois, and a Filipino named Binki.

Dave Moulton said...

I got an email from Binki; she said she was 26, bored, and wants to send me her pictures.

Howard said...


Don't open the file. REPEAT: DO NOT open the file.

I Opened The File

Yokota Fritz said...

Well, there's nothing in those commandments about coveting Binki, is there?

Ron George said...

Your sarcasm brings to light the obvious scorn for the Christian religion. Thats a little cheap.